If you hand the world a Christian…

I had a sudden burst of inspiration – an urge to do something….  To change something.  To be profound or fabulous or whatever.  Just something.

Perhaps it was the however-many-hours of Sherlock I had just been watching (feel free to read this entire post in a British accent).  Perhaps it was the fact that it was 1 in the morning, and I really am a night owl when I’m allowed to be.  Perhaps it was the cool night air and sound of cicadas outside.  Or perhaps we shall never know.

Whatever the case, I was moved.  Seeing as it was 1 in the morning and I hadn’t decided what to do yet, I ventured into the kitchen to find a snack.  I’m also very bad at eating during the day…  I get distracted doing things and forget.  Or I try to forage, then get bored, and decide that I don’t really want food that badly after all.  But as soon as night comes I am always hungry.  So kitchen.

Attempting to find food to satisfy my once-again-mostly-vegan diet — oh yes.  I’d better explain that.

I was very sick.  Am still sick.  Got mostly well when I was on an incredibly strict vegan diet for a year.  Got tired of that.  Added back in selective meats and whatnot.  But, as I mentioned, am still sick.  Am back off of most animal products.  In fact, the only non-vegan things I can regularly stomach are boiled eggs and butter.

— okay, now you know.  Harder to find food.

Anyway, so I was thinking about being vegan, and all the “yummy” substitutes that the world has come up with for people like me to make us feel less freakish.  Delicacies such as Veganase, or How Are My Tastebuds Fooled Into Thinking This Is Butter (hint – doesn’t work).  There’s everything from vegetable protein disguised as chicken to soy powder that’s supposed to taste like eggs or cheese or something.

Thing is, even when I was very much vegan and hadn’t had the “real” things in quite some time, I often still had a hard time stomaching the fakes.  Hand anyone a piece of goodness-knows-what-plant-matter that “tastes just like chicken” and no one will be fooled.

How does this tie into my title?  Ah, yes, you have been paying attention.  Or if you weren’t, you are now.  (I will, however, still give you credit, so no worries).

As I scrounged through the kitchen, contemplating how easily people can spot this pseudofood, a very real-life application hit me.

And I realized that people are often as good at spotting a fake Christian as they are a fake burger.

If you hand me a slab of tofu and call it turkey, no matter how it is cooked or seasoned or disguised, I will call your bluff.  And call it gross.  If on the other hand you hand me something and call it what it is, I’m much more likely to like it.

Funny how life so closely parallels food.  At least here.

Hand the world a self-serving, entitled, money obsessed, lying, cheating scoundrel who happens to sit in a church pew once a week and call it a “Christian”, I do believe the world will call your bluff.

I wouldn’t call that a Christian.  I would call that a fraud.  Or, as I believe Jesus said it, a whitewashed tomb.

There are more than a few good reasons that society isn’t such a fan of Christianity.  Said “Christians” leave a bad taste in everyone’s proverbial mouth.

Be careful what you hand the world.  They’re quite good at discovering fakes.




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